Classic cars forum & vehicle restoration.

[Keith D]

Hey Pigtin,

That frightened the sh*t out of me!!!!!

Keith

[pigtin]

Me too, and I've got a dickey heart. Thought I ought to share it though.
_________________
Due to the onset of my mid eighties I'm no longer sprightly and rarely seen in my Austin special. I have written a book though. https://amzn.eu/d/7rwRRqL

[Job-Rated]

Visibility wasn't good the other day, when I got pulled over by a traffic cop for doing 80 mph.

He said, "What would you do if Mr. Fog came down suddenly?"

"I would put Mr. Foot on Mr. Brake", I replied.

"Let me start again, slowly", he said, "What would you do if mist or fog came down suddenly?”
_________________
Don't run your fingers over my truck & I won't run my truck over your fingers!


http://www.loosechange-band.co.uk/

[peter scott]

Excellent!

Sounds like one from Mr Toad.

Peter


_________________
http://www.nostalgiatech.co.uk
1939 SS Jaguar 2 1/2 litre saloon

[Job-Rated]

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up, Abdul, won't it start?"
_________________
Don't run your fingers over my truck & I won't run my truck over your fingers!


http://www.loosechange-band.co.uk/

[Job-Rated]

It's no good having a spark of genius if you've got ignition problems.
_________________
Don't run your fingers over my truck & I won't run my truck over your fingers!


http://www.loosechange-band.co.uk/

[peppiB]

Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick says: 'Crikey ! There's a bloke here who was 152 !'

Paddy says: 'What's his name ?'

Mick replies: 'Miles from London !'

[peppiB]

Think we could all do with some of this!

[peppiB]

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

[Brian M]

Bentley Forums
- - - I used the ashtray today. How do I replace it?

Yugo Forum
- - - When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- - - problem with Wind noise around 210MPH

MX5 forums
- - - Some ******** in Toyota Hilux just ran over my car

Hilux forum
- - -****** MX5 stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely remove it?


BMW 7-series forum
- - - Where to get a service on my Rolex?

Rover 800 forum
- - - Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Range Rover Forum
- - - Is the price of petrol going down anytime soon?

De Lorean forum - - - Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 1985.

Honda Accord forum
- - - Mum is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Yaris forum
- - - Do our cars use AAA or AA's? are NiMH the ones to have

Ferrari forums
- - - Need suggestions about a business trip to Colombia. Want to get in and out fast.

Porsche forums
- - - Tyre just went flat. Is it best to trade-in or sell the car myself?

Mini forum
- - - Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company.

Dax Cobra forum
- - - I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How do I get wee stains out of the leather?

McLaren F1 forum
- - -Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.

Hummer forum
- - - Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's £35 in petrol.

Fiat forum
- - -Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- - - I'm thinking Blue and gold, anyone tried this combo ??

Chevy pickup forum
- - - How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?

Supra Forums
- - -Head too big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.

Volvo forum.
- - - What biker, I never saw a biker, he just came from nowhere, I didn't mean to hit him.

Skoda Octavia forum.......
---400,000 miles going strong but where are the indicators....

BMW forum........
---Someone pulled into MY outside lane on the motorway. What to do?

Vauxhall Vectra forum.......
---Suit jacket. Left or right hand side??

White van forum.........
---The new Highway Code.

Range rover/X5/ML/Grand Cherokee forum........
---The school run melee.

Escort Cosworth forum..........
---Help! Car got rained on. What to do?

Saxo forum........
---which Jap fibreglass bumper??
_________________
Brian
1970 Volvo Amazon and 1978 Safari 15-4 Caravan
Classic Safari Forum: www.classicsafaris.co.uk

[peppiB]

Rural Australian Computer Terminology

A little bit of Aussie culcha.....

LOG ON: Adding wood to make the Barbiehotter.
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the Barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the Barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys.
WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE: What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A bar snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counterlunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.

[peppiB]

This is an Australian Ute joke!


A Northern Territory farm hand radios back to the farm manager.



'Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the 1800 Ute.
The Utes OK, but the pig's he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my Ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out.'

The manager says,'Ok, there's a .303 Rifle behind the seat.
Take it, shoot the pig and you'll be able to remove him..'

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, 'I did what you said
boss. Took the 303, shot the pig and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on'.

'Now what's the problem?' raged the Manager.

'Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right - front guard .'

'...................................,........................... You there Boss?

[Penman]

A Nun’s Tale
A nun, serving in the community as a district nurse, is driving between patients when she runs out of petrol.
There is a garage a mile or so down the road so she walks down to it and asks if they can help her with a can of petrol.
“Sorry sister, we can let you have petrol in your can but we can’t let you have a can to put it in”.
She thinks for a moment or two and then decides to go back to her car, when she gets there she has a look in the boot to see what she has there.
Picking out a bedpan she goes back to the garage and checks that she can use that, the garage hand says “sure, you fill it and pay for fuel, just don’t tell anyone I said it was alright”.
Back she goes to her car carefully carrying the bedpan so as not to spill it, when she gets there she starts to put it into her fuel tank.
At this moment a couple of old chaps pull up behind her to watch what she is doing.
“By heck George” says one of them, ”if that car starts after that, I’m going to turn Catholic”.
_________________
Bristols should always come in pairs.

Any 2 from:-
Straight 6
V8 V10

[Job-Rated]

At last Gordon Brown decided to throw the towel in and resign.

His cabinet colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So a senior 'Sir Humphrey' went from Whitehall to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities.

"They have a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," a specially-sought consultant told the top civil servant. "Mostly freight locomotives though."

"Oh dear, that's not very fitting for a prime minister," said Sir Humphrey. "How about that big green one, over there?" he said, pointing
to 4472.

"That's already got a name" said the consultant. "It's called 'Flying Scotsman'."

"Oh. Couldn't it be renamed?" Asked Sir Humphrey. "This is a national museum after all, funded by the taxpayer."

"I suppose it might be considered," said the consultant. "After all the LNER renamed a number of their locomotives after directors of the company, and even renamed one of them Dwight D Eisenhower."

"That's excellent", said Sir Humphrey, "So that's settled then .. let's look at renaming 4472. But how much will it cost? We can't spend too much, given the expenses scandal!"

"Well", said the consultant, "If you are on a tight budget, we could always just paint out the 'F'."
_________________
Don't run your fingers over my truck & I won't run my truck over your fingers!


http://www.loosechange-band.co.uk/

[peppiB]