Classic cars forum & vehicle restoration.

[Rick]

I've never owned an MG, but while at school in the late 1980s I owned my (dismantled) Mk3 Spitfire, while our French teacher owned a restored MGB Roadster. We'd often pull each other's leg in the Triumph vs MG debate, all in good fun.

One day he lent me a number of club magazines, I forget which club - either the MGOC or MGCC.

In one issue, was a report of a national MG club gathering. One of the amusements they'd laid on was a "smash the Spitfire up" type thing, where large lump hammers were distributed amongst the group, taking it in turns to smash up the "lowly" Triumph (also a Mk3 as it happens). At the time I thought it was a spectacularly moronic thing to do, and I've not changed my mind in the intervening years. Even if you don't like cars from a rival firm, smashing one up with a hammer for amusement, left me thinking that the club in question must attract idiots who find this type of thing a hoot. Maybe it still happens, I don't know?

As mentioned, I've never owned an MG, and if I did, I doubt I'd bother with either of the big clubs.

What have you come across, through your interest in old cars, that strikes you as being particularly aimless? This could include "attractions" similar to that mentioned above, dodgy repairs, and so on*

RJ

*Due to problems I've had in the past, discussion of bang*r racing isn't to be included in this discussion, thanks.
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[OuBallie]

Time to come clean
My first car was a Lowlite Morris Minor, hence my predilection for them.
Being a young blood, 18years old at the time, I of course wanted to show off by having a really wide rear track, and thought nothing of putting the rear wheels on the wrong way, dish outwards -
It's one of those thing that you look back on, and shudder in horror that you could have been so utterly stupid
I only tried that once and only for an hour or so, just driving around the Northern suburbs of Johannesburg, at slow speed. Well I did I think realise that was not a very good idea

Geoff - I grew up
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Too many hobbies, not enough time!
1935 Austin Seven Ruby ARQ
1957 Austin A35 2-door
1967 Morris Minor 2-door
2007 Fiat Doblò MultiJet (It carries the spares etc)
Model Engineering

[baconsdozen]

A mk2 Consul with wooden sills sticks in my mind but the Morris 1000 with mole grips clamped on a brake pipe flexi is maybe the best. It was brought in because the brakes pulled to one side,no one admitted to having put them on the pipe.
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Thirty years selling imperial hand tools for old machinery(Now happily retired).

[Rick]

[Ronniej]

I used to enjoy BBC Top Gear when it was a serious motoring programme.
However, for some years now it has been no more than light entertainment with a motoring theme and frankly, I find many of their stunts moronic.
I know this as my son, who has been diligently brought up as a petrol head insists on watching it. (Where did I go wrong?)
I have a recollection of a tidy Morris Marina (if there is such a thing!) being trashed in much the same manner as the Spitfire was.

[Old Wrench]

There are so many!

A Morris 1100, repaired write off where the whole front end (wings and front panel) had been fastened to the inner wings using ally pop rivets: naturally, bi-metal corrosion went to work and natural road salt and when the guy stopped suddenly, the front took off!

A keen DIY lad who had "changed the brake shoes" on the front of his 850 c.c. Mini. hopeless stopping going forwards, but fantastic brakes going backwards!

Single Leading Shoes on the early cars and he had fitted 'em backwards.

An early Herald coupe (FHC), on which the charming owner did most of his own maintenance for recreation: not money, he had been an insurance exec i the City. Came in and explained to me since he had suffered a hernia was banned from crawling under his pride and joy, which had been just recently MOT'd in Kent (for some reason) and was pulling nastily to one die under braking.

We went all over it, did the normal things, new brake shoes and my foreman asked me to road test the car as I was (for once) clean and wasn't.

OK: set off up the road, jabbed the brake pedal a few times: found a quiet road, slightly uphill, grabbing a bit; head out of wide open driver's window to watch the offside front wheel. Jammed on the brakes and with a loud crash, the wheel came out and sort of laid flat on the road and the car ran along on the chassis showering sparks!

When we had recovered it (surprisingly little damage), I stripped the front and found the offside trunnion upright (the nasty Phosphor Bronze thing with the internal screw thread) bottom hole was totally oval, paper thin on one side and the through bolt and top hat washers and nylon bushes had simply come right through!

How the hell could it have passed an MOT?
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Well, apart from that, did you enjoy the play, Mrs Lincoln?

[peter scott]

[baconsdozen]

I once went to see a guy about some parts,I'd been told he repaired cars and sold a few second hand bits and pieces. He was under a car with a grinder sparks flying about. I asked him if he was getting prepared for welding. He wasn't,he explained he was cleaning up rusty brake pipes,apparently grinding them 'brought them up like new'!
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Thirty years selling imperial hand tools for old machinery(Now happily retired).

[Ray White]

When I was a Student (many years ago) I spent a summer holiday working in a local garage. A 420G Jag (Mk10) came in needing a new automatic gearbox. Some of the bolts were impossible to get to so the "mechanic" pulled back the carpet and cut a hole in the bulkhead to get access. Then a used box was obtained from the scrap yard and installed. The hole welded up and the carpet stuck down.

This butchery was in vain because the replacement box was also faulty!
The garage refused a refund and the customer was so angry he caught the car on a fence post on his way out putting a scrape all down the side.

[kevin2306]

Many years back, whilst walking through the motor mechanics shop at a local tech college, there was a very rusty car up on the ramps with a lecturer underneath happily welding away.
At the time of me walking through there were huge lumps of soot floating about.
5 mins or so later, the whole teaching block was merrily burning away, reducing it to a very shabby concrete framed building. Expensive bit of cash in hand work!

Kev

[Ellis]

One moronic incident I recall from my youth was an incident concerning a Mini Van owned by one of the local lads.

A day or two before pay day on a Friday he had no money to pay for petrol and his sister refused to lend him a pound or even 50p.

He "solved" his fuel problem by going to his father's garden shed and helped himself to the paraffin can.
We all watched fascinated as the Mini fired up normally and he drove off but soon a ghastly smell polluted the roadside as he drove back.
The fool then decided to "go for a run" unfortunately passing a policeman walking "the beat". He soon smelled the awful stench from the exhaust and gestured him to stop.

He didn't and drove on heading towards the Forestry Commission roads in case he was followed. Another lad who was foolish enough to accompany the driver later told us that Mini was down to less than quarter power and even when the ignition was switched off the engine continued running after a fashion.

It would not turn off and the only way the driver managed to stall it was when the van was driven with it's front bumper against a tree and the clutch released!

The engine never ran properly again and to add to his misery he had a dented bumper, grille and bonnet and a visit from the Police the following day. Those days (early 1970's) all he had was a ticking off. I doubt if he would be treated as leniently today.
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Starting Handle Expert

1964 Jaguar Mark 2 3.4 litre
1962 Land Rover Series 2a 88"
2002 BMW M3 E46 Cabriolet

[goneps]

I wouldn't mind a quid for every argument I've had with ignorant mechanics over correct wheel alignment procedures in the days before modern alignment machines denied them their proclivity for fouling up a simple task for anyone with an IQ above single figures. Those morons would set toe-in by adjusting one track rod only, then compensate for the lopsided steering wheel angle in the straight-ahead position by repositioning it on the column. Even when shown the considerable difference in lock from one side to the other they still couldn't accept that anything was wrong. And those were franchised dealerships, not back street cowboy outfits.

Richard

[Bitumen Boy]

Don't know if I've mentioned this on here before, but I once went to look at a Mini advertised as having a new rear subframe. Which it did, and in the course of fitting the new subframe it had been necessary to repair the mounting points. Only problem was the repairs were merely held in place with a few blind rivets and a bit of sealant Shame really - it was a tidy example otherwise and had the repairs been done properly I would have bought it.

[Mog]

What about the guy that slipped a bit of tube over brake pipe , on the back axle of my Landrover ? He soft soldered in place. I put the brakes on at about 50 mph and went down to the floor. Only back up was the hand brake, which did work otherwise I might not be typing this .

[baconsdozen]

Someone told me about a guy found he had no brake fluid left to refill the brakes of a car he'd repaired. He used undiluted orange juice to get him down to halfords to buy the 'proper' stuff.
I wonder if he flushed it enough to get the orange juice out (or even flushed it at all) if any was left and this was in the days of ordinary steel brake pipes,how long before he found a new meaning to "Pedal to the metal"?.
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Thirty years selling imperial hand tools for old machinery(Now happily retired).